Social distancing is not new to her family; her mother does not hug her or her siblings. At first, she did not realize that was weird; all her life, she thought it was a regular thing. She did not feel a mother’s love; she felt a mother’s control most of the time. She remembered the arguments between her mother and her grandmother, and she chose to have a better relationship between her and her children. Yes, at first, she was strict will all of them because she did not want them to get pregnant at an early age. She knew her older daughter, who is not her biological daughter, was very mature because of her upbringing in martial arts.
My mother worked in the city, and she worked during the weekend at home to make extra money. Her relationship with her husband, who her not my father were controlling. She was always in control of the link, and I never saw her touched or hug them. She always told them what to do, and the one who had children from the previous relationship was not close to my mother.
Social distancing is healthy for her, and we as her biological children were accustomed to her behavior and strictness. I experience her love because she prayed for me when I was sick, she laid a hand on my head, that is the closest she ever touched me as a mother. Yes, she cooked tasty meals for my siblings and me as her way to tell us that she loves us. My siblings and I accepted her distancing. We knew it was not normal because we hugged and kissed our children as soon as we have our children. We told our children that we love them every night and as much as we can all times. We decided to be different because we did not want our children to feel alienated from us as we thought from our birthmother.
I do not think she knows that she is different from other moms.
Most of the time or as I recalled, she could be very critical, and she spoke so many negatives words in my life. I knew her words are not real; however, some of them came to fruition. She said, “ your grandmother from your father’s side died because her sister killed her, she went to sell her lands in her birth country, her sister got jealous and did voodoo on her and killed her.” She told me, “ so so, and so told me that he would not give you any money when he becomes a millionaire.” She said to me after my divorce, “ he is going to take your children away from you.” and another time after she and I disagreed, I heard her said, “ all of your children knew how to deal with you, they isolate you and leave you.” She said it in her native language, which is creole.