My mother lost my father when I was seven years old and she was five months pregnant with my youngest sister. Life was different for us since the company that had to pay my mother money from my father’s death closed the business and we didn’t have any life insurance and he was the major breadwinner. We moved with my grandmother for a while and my mother’s relationship with her mother was not in good terms because both of them had a choleric personality. We slept outside under avocado’s tree in the yard, sometimes over my mother’s friend’s home and one time in the cemetery. Our life got better after my uncle came to the USA and sent it to his sisters and brothers.
By the time I got married and have kids, I was afraid that I might die and left my children with only one parent. Because of her experiences my mother understood the disappointment, I felt after my divorced after thirteen years of marriage. The experience left me hurt and looking at people in different ways because of the lies that my ex-husband told other people, I do not want to hold on to the bitterness that I felt. We have a great relationship because she knew that when my finances allowed me to support her that I did my best to give her a comfortable life and she got to brag about me. I know that she worried about me and want the best for me. My sister would sometimes say to me that I was saying things like our mother because I would ask her if she was going to prepared foods for her spouse. When I was married I made sure that my spouse’s foods were ready for him even when we’re mad at each other.
My mother supported me after the divorced the best way she can and she would pray for me all the times, she kept my company during the days, she used the money she had to help me with the business that I was running after my ex-husband ruined it. I had to hire new instructors to keep the school open, however, one of the sensei did not have the same understanding of God as the rest of the team. I asked a person whom I looked up to stop by the school but the person never did. She purchased a car for me and gave me advice about what to do next.
I understood more what she went through because as the single mom so many men offered to help me but wanted something from. They were married men that wanted someone else on the side, they had no shame in lying or trying to take advantage when I was at the lowest point in my life. Unless you are spiritually strong or mature, you will fall for their lies and ended up losing yourself.
I realized that I am as forgiven and strong as my mother because I wanted things to be done a certain way in the business that I was running with my then-husband but his sisters gave me such a hard time that I ended up resenting their relationship. I started to compete for his loved ones and didn’t focus on my own vision. I have so much in me to do but I couldn’t let go of what I built with him that I became bitter, and eventually I asked him to give me the divorce. I am working on forgiveness and the bitterness so I can move a step further to receive the provisions that God has for me.