Family

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I would like my sisters to be good to my children even though they are still mad at my children’s father. I can feel that my children are not very comfortable with my sisters. We are family and we share the same blood. We have the same father and mother and I love my nieces and nephews. I want the best for them even if something happen that can cause a discord between me and their fathers. My sisters must sense that I noticed the discomfort that my children feel around them. My sisters should love my kids and want the best for them. They spent do much times together, first in my mother’s belly then they were roommate in college. They studied different courses and have a degree in arts and education. After several years of one work as a teacher and the other as a textile designer but the artist got sick and almost died. She found out that the chemical in the paints were not good for her so she became a teacher also. Now they both teach perk and they meet almost every day to do lessons plan. They also spent one month in Puerto \Rico with only their children. My sister has one son and her twin sister has two girls who are also twins and a younger son.

My Friend

My friend has been married for twenty something years and him and his wife have a daughter in college and a son in High school. He is from Israel and she is a blond mute from different countries. They met at a bar and they liked each other so they dated for about one year than they hot married. He is an artist who make signs for business specially restaurants and bars in NYC. He started his business and built it up so he makes great money and she works as an accountant in the business. She also does real estate on the side, so one day she asked him for a divorced because they were acting more like friends rather than husband and wife. He was sock and did not understood what happened so she moved out and got an apartment in the town near him. He was hurt but he made his best to understand her feelings. So, they lived apart or one year and during that time he brought the house from her and their son and daughter resided at the home but their son spent the week with mom and the weekends with dad. Their daughter lived on campus and came home during the holidays.

My friend stayed in the home alone during the week and made the best of the situation while they got the divorce. He travelled a lot with his male friends when he has free times from his business. He tried to keep his spirit up but my friend does not believe in God, how can that be when is a Jew from Israel. Although he lived a wild life when he was younger, he tried drugs and wild crazy sexual encounters.

Somehow, I get attracted to wild and street-smart men. I had a boring childhood because my grandmother was strict and was very religious. I behaved well because I did not want to get discipline in the form of a beaten from her and my uncles. So, my sisters and my brothers and I behaved good to stay out of troubles unlike my cousin. I like to spend times with my friend because I feel that he is wise and he like to watch the channel from his birth country. His mother and father are still alive and they live in Israel. When I do to visit him, he teaches me how to play card and other games and he always have foods for us to eat. Anyway, after his divorced he decided to move to NYC because his son is going to attend college there and he told me that the travel is too much for him. So, he put his house for rent and I suggested to him that maybe it would be better if he sell the house because the rent is very expensive in the area where he live. He said that he will think about it, the house is very comfortable because him and his ex-wife made all the upgrade and they also have great furniture’s.

I am comfortable with him for some reasons, my shield is down and I understand him and what he went through. He did right by his ex-wife compare to my ex-husband. I figured that my ex-husband and I was going to handle the business even though we got divorced. After all the business, we started them from scratch, him and I were so proud of what we built and how we helped so many people and we duplicated ourselves.

My sister and I

What if she did what she did because she felt threaten by how her husband like me as a friend, so she had to create division. She wanted to be the one who people notice, she would like to be me. She tried to contradict almost everything I said or did. The point is I want to have the life that her husband has, he can buy anything he wants. He has a nice job and dress very well and drive a comfortable Mercedes-Benzes. He travelled on vacation with his wife and son, he bought expensive music instruments and he does not have to take out the garbage. He manages his son’s music career because he has years of experience in the music business.

Focus

I realized that if I focus on the negativity around me and I start to see the worst in others that would mean I am a bad person also. My heart would become dark and hard if I focus on the behaviors of others specially my close family members. They must be miserable to not being there for my son. It takes so much of a person’s heart to be mean to others. I am so happy for my sisters sometimes but I know that they could care less. They do not have the capacity to care, I do not have the heart to care either but I am not build that way.

Liar

She lied just like her father, it is in her blood and she can make up a lie at a drop of a hat. I allowed her to go to my bedroom and she noticed the radio that my cousin sent me, so she just assumed that I paid my cousin for the radio. I was doing some work downstairs and she came and asked me if she can use my iron, I told her that it is in my bedroom by the TV. She came downstairs and told me that she did not see it, so I went upstairs and get the iron and she asked me “how much did you paid for the Iron?” I told her “I bought it at target for $25.” Then after I iron the fabric for her, she said “I need the money that was in the envelope that I gave you.” She also said, “the money is for Liz and her car broke down so she need the money.” I told her “why did t you tell me that the money was from Liz, I put the money in my credit union and it would not be able to get it that fast. She said “I borrowed money from Liz to lend you and this money I borrowed to fix the store, I need to give the money back to Liz. She is a liar, I realized that she saw the radio that I have by the TV still in the box it had my cousin’s address so she assumed that I bought the radio from her that is the reason she asked for the money. I also know that she lied because later she saw me, she gave me a mango from Haiti. The only way she can show that she loves us is by giving us foods.

She is not

She is not what I need and I also need to move away from her and my sisters. I need to have more money than them like I did before because they tried to control people with their money. She has a spirit of division, a spirit of jalousie and a spirit of a liar.

I just decided to go back to school to continue my education and I am so hurt and mad by their behaviors. I need to remove myself from this environment specially because of those spirits. I want to hate them but I am unable to hate them. I just hate how I feel again for those type of people.

Mother

I cringed almost each time the caller ID show the word Mother. I wish I know how to tell her that I need her to stop calling me all the times. She has seven children in the USA, she can call each one of them and that would fill her weeks and weekends. I understand that I am the oldest but I need a break so I get my life in order. I pray “God help me, I get tired.” My mother wants to help me but I can get overwhelm by the issues she has with my brother in law. I cannot see her point especially since he is the one who now has the big house and a cottage. Anytime my siblings and I have a problem we have a home we can go.

I should be the one with the big house and acres of land, I started right but I could not keep up. I lost two houses, one when I got married to the father of my children and the other when I got divorced from him. My mother lost her home when my father died. I wonder if we have a curse in the family, I tried to stay marry to the father of my children.

It has been eight years since my divorce and I still have not get remarry. The man that I can see myself be with has his own demon to battle. He is not ready to get marry which include another person in his life constantly. When I chat with my uncle Village, he said to me “Now you are marrying God.” I also need and want a human or physical relationship with a man. I believe that you need to be a nun or a priest if you do not crave or want to be with another human being. I want a man to be my partner in life so we can travel, love and do other things in life.

My mother got married three times and she lost the three fathers of her children. After my father died she got involve with an old friend and she got pregnant for him only she found out that he was married. She ended the relationship then relocated to the USA, she married another man so she could save money to send for us. I understood it was not easy for her, just like I am trying to get my own home for me and my children.

I am fifty-one-year-old and most men just want a woman to have sex with. The ones who said they want to get marry are kind of weird. I can notice right away who is going with them specially after the drama that I went through with the father of my children. On my first date with the Jamaican man, he told me that he wants to marry me then after a few months he told me that he wants an open relationship.

After I opened and be comfortable with him he said, “I introduced you to my mother and my nephew because you wanted to pray for my mom and I had to go to visit my nephew before he left for Jamaica.” The Jamaican went to California to do a job, he did not tell me that he was going to California. It was during one of our text

She believed that my brother in law put a voodoo piece in the ground and put a rock on top of it. Now can she be right, yes because the Haitian culture know that type of religion. My brother in law believe that he lost his two-family home in East Orange because of my mother, she rented one floor from him but she decided not to pay the rent. I also know what he meant by it because after my divorce my mom move with me instead of my younger sister. She started to pay my rent then she stopped and I lost my home. My brother in law has expensive taste and my mother and I believe that he brought so many things and my sister must deal with the bills. My brother in law just want his family to stay intact specially since his son is black and he wants him to eventually attend Julliard in NYC.

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Marie A. Diaz-Cervo

Marie A. Diaz-Cervo

ABA therapist | Published Writer | Consultant